I guess you could think of this entry as a sequel of sorts to this post
I made back on March 30th. It seems once again, Hollywood is on a childhood raping rampage.Item One:
To start things off, the infamous THEY of the film world are going after the single Eighties cartoon that is dearest to my heart, Alvin and the Chipmunks
. Why, oh why celluloid gods, must you torment me so? To make matters worse, the voice of Underdog
(Jason Lee) is playing Dave. My only hope is that Bagdasarian Jr. doesn't let this become too much of a mess.Item Two:
It seems the Japanese will also be sending their animosity towards Hollywood when Speed Racer
is released. I mean, the Wachowski Bros.? As if the past two Matrix
movies didn't suck enough, here's another heap of shit for ya! And dear God, not one of the kids from High School Musical
?! Keel me!Item Three:
How's this for turnaround time: Next year will see the release of a (hopefully) better version of The Incredible Hulk
, after the last film outing of Bruce Banner occured back in 2003, (don't we all wish it was longer than that?). Maybe it's just me, but somehow I don't think that simply adding an adjective to the movie title is gonna make an improvement.Item Four:
With this item, I don't know what to think. I've always loved Sam Raimi's work, whether the subject at hand is the Evil Dead
Trilogy, all those wonderful Rennaisance Pictures series from the Nineties (you know the ones I'm talking about: 'Hercules', 'Xena', 'Jack of All Trades', 'Cleopatra 2525', etc.), or the current Spider-Man
Trilogy (which, according to this
, may actually be a Quadrilogy). He is without a doubt, one of the best B-movie directors alive. (And believe you me, I mean that with the highest respect).
Now, anyone who's known me for a good amount of time, or anyone who loves movies, for that matter, knows that generally, the word "remake" equals death. Nine times outta ten, the newer version blows, because whatever hotshot director was tapped to helm the film had no regard for the original, or wanted to "reinvent" the story for their own purposes. Point in case, Tim Burton's take on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Now before you get started with, all the "Burton stayed true to the book!", and "the Gene Wilder version was the one that was off!", and "WTF, I <3 Burton/Depp!, screw you", let me say this: I too have read the book, and I believe Roald Dahl is one of the best authors of the century. But everything about the original 70s version, from Gene Wilder's crazy acting (and equally crazy hair), to the corny songs, to the seriously dated costumes, and to (best part of all) that wacky LSD-trip boat ride was so classic and so embedded into the very core of the movie-centric pop-culture of the world, that anything else, no matter how true to the source material it was, would be blasphemous.
Where was I going with this?
Well, it appears that a remake
of the original Evil Dead
, one of my all-time favorite comedy!horror!bloodbath!tree-rape! movies, will soon be upon us. Only it's set to be directed by, well, it's original director. Which in my book means he's doing it solely for the money, or (like George Lucas) is unsatisfied with the wonderfully horrid old effects and wants to smack a candy-coated layer of not-to-well blended in CGI on top of it. I just hope he's not becoming so full of himself to fuck this up.Item Five:
I'm also unsure of what to think about this
project. History tells us (quite blatantly) that there cannot be a successful Beowulf movie, but somehow I think (*hope*) this one may be different. I mean, Rob Zemeckis (who, to my knowledge, has yet to make a stinker) is directing, Neil Gaiman co-wrote the screenplay, and the cast includes the likes of Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright
, John Malkovich, Brendan Gleeson, and Crispin 'Effin' Glover as Grendel. Cross your fingers, duckies
ION, somebody gimme a meme/survey/etc. to fill out, I'm bored.