You know those times when you find yourself at an impasse, the kind where you're faced with a dilemma where you can see both sides of an issue equally but still have no idea
which choice you stand behind the most?
Am I even making any sense?
Here's the deal: MONTHS ago, way back around March or so, when Josh was still having trouble finding any work, he began putting some semi-serious thought into joining the military. At first I wasn't too thrilled about this, not because I have anything against the military. I don't. My father was in the Air Force during Nam, mom's dad fought in the Army, and Josh's dad was also in the Army. What made me less than thrilled about it was that we were just starting out and I didn't want to have to "let go" so soon. Luckily, a short while later, he got a job and the topic was dropped.
Well, its been brought up again.
Things have been getting increasingly worse for Josh at K-Mart. He hasn't been getting his promised hours, is constantly being harassed by a handful of his higher-ups, and its only a matter of time before corporate shuts his store down permanently. Add to that the little bit of money he does manage to pull in automatically goes to his mother to help cover bills that he may only see $70 a paycheck (biweekly), half of which goes to gas. Its pretty much gotten to the point where he's convinced that the military is the only way we're ever gonna be able to have anything.
We've already talked a bit about the details of what would happen if he were to join. He'd go off to basic for roughly eight weeks or so, come back home for a few weeks, then go back out for MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) training. Once all of his initial whatevers are in order and he gets assigned to a base, he'd move me up to be with him.
Sounds like a plan, right?
I know deep down that yes, this is probably the best thing right now. Like he said, unless something miraculous happens this is the only way we're going to be able to have a future where we're not constantly worried about how we'll manage to get through. What gets me is that, as lame as it sounds, I don't know how to be without him. Yes, I know I sound like a freaking Hallmark card for saying this, but I truly LOVE him, with every fiber of my being. For all intents and purposes he is my everything, and without him there's nothing. For the past year, I haven't been away from him for more than a day, and now all of a sudden to have to go weeks, if not months?
Like I told Josh, yes, what I think does have some say in this, but ultimately it is his
decision. And whatever he decides, I'll stand by and support him along the way. The way I see it, our
happiness and well-being takes priority over my
happiness and well-being. That much, I know.
I'm sure I'll manage, it'll just be, well, a bit of a challenge.[EDIT: WHAAAAAT? EARTHA KITT DIED?!?! *wails*]